A digital, online training program unlike any other —
Nightmare Marketing: How to Market the Boring, Complex, and Undifferentiated Stuff that Scares the S@#! Out of Everybody Else
CAUTION: This is NOT a check-the-boxes, soft skills webinar series that participants will entirely forget a month later. This IS an active, roll-up-your-sleeves, hard-skills training program that addresses the most difficult marketing challenges you face – and most companies are reluctant to acknowledge. We will confront frightening problems with honesty, courage, and ingenuity. As a consequence, participants will graduate with new insights, greater confidence, and a kit of practical tools that will advance their marketing powers far beyond the meeker competition.
It’s scary out there…
We dream of making content for sexy brands…generating leads for popular services…and creating sophisticated promotions for new products and services. Indeed, there’s no shortage of dreams…
But reality? In reality – in the mature markets where we live and breathe – few brands are really sexy, urgent, or truly distinctive. In reality, most professionals are obligated to move the needle for products and services that inspire little excitement, are difficult for lay people to understand, or lack sufficient novelty to stand above look-alike alternatives.
In reality, too many marketing dreams are marketing nightmares.
Wake up and win: A digital training program for the scary stuff
Nightmare Marketing is a 3-part online digital training program that provides three tactical/practical techniques for tackling each nightmare challenge (for a total of 9 tools by the program’s completion). The overall program includes:
Three one-hour training sessions, scheduled consecutively:
Beat the Boring: The product or service you market is about as sexy as a tea towel, but half as interesting – or so you think! In reality, your product IS important to somebody for some reason – and we’ll uncover who, why and how. You’ll learn to:
- Uncover and exploit the consequences of buying (or not buying!)
- Turn unsung heroes into champions
- Link the allegedly “dull” to news events everyone finds fascinating
Conquer the Complex: You struggle to explain your complicated business at a cocktail party, much less summarize it in a thirty-second elevator pitch. Fortunately, you can deploy simple ways to trumpet the virtues and values of complex or obscure services and/or products. In our program, you will:
- Leverage real-life scenarios to make your offer tangible, relevant, and most importantly, urgent
- Develop an easy entry point that simplifies the marketing and sales process
- Use experts, not to pontificate, but to CONNECT to eager audiences
Undo the Undifferentiated: You sell white bread, your competitor sells white bread, everyone you know (it seems) sells the same white bread! In mature markets, differentiating yourself from the competition can be darned difficult. Together, we’ll explore unexpected ways of creating distinction between you and your comparable competitors:
- Identify and promote the value you bring beyond the product
- Exploit surprise features with (previously) hidden value
- Take a contrarian position against conventional wisdom
PLUS: Six hours of individualized attention and feedback available between and after the online training sessions.
PLUS: A “take-away” packet of presentation materials and exercises that remain as reference materials long after the sessions’ completion.
“Jonathan provided training to our global marketing team on several aspects of marketing writing, from headlines and subject lines to case studies, email campaigns, landing pages, and marketing collateral. His insights have helped us tremendously in writing more compelling copy in these various formats, particularly when it comes to transitioning from a more journalistic style of writing to truly compelling readers to click. The class exercises were interactive and, best of all, required no prep work or homework that would have added more to our busy team’s plate. Jonathan is infectiously charismatic and managed to convey his enthusiasm even through Zoom to keep the team engaged. I would enthusiastically recommend his services, even to the most experienced writers.”
Meredith Mejia, ESW (eShopWorld)
Who is this for?
Nightmare Marketing is for busy professionals who are tired of “blue sky” (ahem) promises and want real, tested, proven, and practical ways of approaching difficult marketing challenges, including:
- Content creators
- Product managers
- Marketing project managers
- Web developers/designers
- Digital marketing pros
- Editorial teams
- Graphic designers
- Social media influencers
- All the poor b!@#%ds who have to fill their marketing automation pipelines with something
Real feedback from Nightmare Marketing participants at Content Marketing World:
“Awesome session! Gave tons of practical advice and then showed us in real time how to apply it. Great hands on session with an engaging dynamic personality.”
“Excellent presentation!! Very clear and organized approach. Gave 3 distinct types of content and 3 approaches for each with examples. It was great!!”
“Absolutely amazing!! We needed a bigger space, but I didn’t even mind sitting on the floor for this one. Make him a keynote speaker or at least give him a bigger room next time. :)”
“I had to wait in a long line for this one and it was worth it. I work in higher education and sometimes it’s difficult to talk about things like financial aid and student services. It can be made exciting. He also had the best interaction with the audience.”
“Nightmare Marketing was AWESOME! Loved this session that was standing-room only. I wish we would have had twice as much time! Recommend for a keynote speaker next year.”
Why Jonathan Kranz?
I know copy, I know content, I know how to teach. As of 2021, I’m celebrating a quarter century of copywriting experience that ranges from direct marketing and public relations to digital content creation. My client list includes many of the biggest, most familiar names in high tech, financial services, business services, higher education, and more. I’m the author of Writing Copy for Dummies, and for the last dozen years or so, I’ve led in-house marketing writing training workshops for numerous enterprises; since 2012, I’ve been an annual speaker/presenter at Content Marketing World, routinely scoring far-above-average satisfaction scores. Since 2014, I’ve collaborated with Adele Revella, the world’s leading authority on marketing personas, by leading workshops that translate persona research into meaningful marketing messages.
My fee for all three one-hour sessions, six hours of individualized feedback, and the take-away packet of reference materials is now available at a low introductory price of $5,000. Contact me by email or by calling (978) 395-4595 to learn more and arrange scheduling. Please note: customized curriculums ARE available – write or call to discuss.