Kranz On Copy: Insights and answers on copywriting and writing copy

If you've ever read the comic strip, "Family Circus" (perhaps someone has held a gun to your head at the breakfast table), you know that the cartoonist occasionally passes his creative responsibilities to his "son" Billy, who shares his awe-shucks, isn't-that-cute, child's-eye view of the world.

Today, with a nod to Billy, I'm taking a break to hand over this blog to Robin, a hapless consumer of marketing messages who would like to share a few frustrations he/she (I'm not telling which) has with Website content:

Dear Business-With-A-Website:

I'm one of the millions searching the Web today, and I have some news to tell you about what you say on your site.

When you say you're "committed to exceeding customer expectations," I don't believe you. According to Google, exactly 238 companies share the same extraordinary commitment; it just seems a little implausible that all 238 of you are jumping simultaneously through the same flaming hoops.

When you say you're an "innovative" and "strategically-focused" organization that seeks "out-of-the-box" solutions, I don't believe you. How can it be true when there are thousands of other organizations that say the same thing? In exactly the same way?

Hey, you know that Flash thingy that pops up when I come to visit -- you know, the one with all the elements that stream in from the margins to form your logo, just like thousands of others? (Oh, I'm sorry, you thought yours was original and different? Did you actually take a few minutes to to look at your competitors' Web sites before you poured thousands of dollars and man-hours into your own?) That Flash thing wastes my time. Am I impressed? Indeed -- with your narcissism.

I didn't find Plato, Aquinas or Kant on your "Philosophy" page, of course. I also didn't find anything actually helpful to me there, either. I did learn, however, that you credit your ideas with a great deal of importance. Yeah, that impressed me, too...

So what did I hope to find? How about something simple: What you do (or sell); how you do it; why it should matter to me. I'm neither a Communist nor an ascetic locust-eater, so you don't have to tell me about your noble commitments -- I live in the 21st century and I accept that you're in business to make a profit. As long as I find value in your product or service, I'm okay with that.

If you have a little imagination, you can go beyond my most basic expectations and hold my attention with content I can use. Perhaps you can show me how your products work. Or how I can profit from them. Maybe you can give me insights into new trends, designs or ideas related to the search terms I used to find your site. Can you give me tips, hints or suggestions that will help me, my family, or my business?

I love good information -- that's why I'm on the Web in the first place. Indulge me.

But don't use your site to indulge yourself. Because when you do, I go back to Google and start all over again. Without you.

Sincerely,

Robin