Kranz On Copy: Insights and answers on copywriting and writing copy

Writing a book is an exercise in endurance; publishing it means enduring compromises. There's nothing wrong with that. With the perspective of experience, editors and publishers often contribute changes that substantially improve the book; that was certainly the case with Writing Copy for Dummies.

There were other times, however, when I was asked to remove material because it made the editor uncomfortable -- material deemed "too negative" for a book brand that prides itself on being upbeat.

Fortunately, a blog is all about turning up the heat, not turning it down. For my readers (especially my recent subscribers Dave, David and Noahm -- welcome!), I offer my raw, uncensored, unexpurgated missive on mission statements. Completists among you may want to compare the following passage to that on page 172 of WCFD. I invite everyone else to share the laughter and the tears:

Making mission statements -- if you must

Call me crazy, but wasn'’t there a time when people knew what they were doing -- or at least what they wanted? Businesses made money; hospitals healed the sick; churches saved souls. Then, in the 1990’s, it seemed as if everyone lost his way; suddenly no one was capable of doing anything without having a “mission” first. Worse, they seemed intent on sharing this great vision -- The Mission -- in a “mission statement.”

This craze for mission statements leads to almost surreal contradictions. Myself, I just think of how it feels to be stuck in an emergency room at 2:00 in the morning with a fussy and feverish infant, trying to comfort her by pacing the halls, back and forth. In the third hour of waiting, my eye catches a plaque on the wall -- it’'s the hospital’'s “mission statement.” In it I'’m told, as my baby continues to cry inconsolably, that the hospital is “committed” to prompt, compassionate care. Gee, that’s a comfort. Maybe in my fourth hour of waiting I'’ll come to believe it. But I doubt it.

Mission statements are like maps in a foreign language. If you know where you'’re going, you don'’t need one. If you don'’t know where you'’re going, it won'’t help you. And don'’t be seduced into believing that they're useful tools for communicating anything meaningful to either your employees or your customers. When you visit a company’'s Web site, do you bother to read the mission statement? And if you do, do you believe it? Neither do your employees and customers.

But if you'’re absolutely forced to write one because...well, just because, here’'s what you do:

1 Identify your values: These are all the things that typically follow the phrase, “"we'’re committed to.”" You’'re not allowed to admit that you’'re in business to turn a profit, so be sure you'’re committed to lofty ideals such as customer service, uncompromised quality, community enrichment, neighborhood empowerment, or shareholder value. If you’'d like to eliminate world hunger or raise the dead, go ahead and throw that in, too.

2 Mention a few ways you'll fulfill those values: Frankly, many mission statements begin and end by declaring values. But if you would like to add a least a little meat to the bones, mention a few ways your organization actually intends to live up to its commitments, perhaps by investing in research, building superior products, exploring new markets, or returning all customer inquiries in 24 hours or less.

3 Chain yourself to a rock and wait for the eagle: In Greek mythology, Prometheus stole fire from the gods as a gift to mankind. For his efforts, the gods chained him to a rock where, each day, an eagle came to pick out his liver. At night the wound healed, but at daybreak the torment continued. You won’'t be so lucky. For your efforts, your writing will be picked to pieces and you’'ll be asked to rewrite the statement over and over again. It won’'t get any better, mind you. In fact, most organizations tend to strike out the best parts, the specific promises of actual, tangible things the organization does or will do, because they’'re afraid of committing themselves to anything real -- anything for which they may be held accountable. Instead, you'’ll watch your statement become ever more vaporous, as responsibility-phobic executives proudly craft a mission that looks exactly like every other mission from every other organization: a “commitment” to quality, service, and value for all of its “stakeholders.” You’'ll pray for the eagle.